Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I could fuck to npr.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
