talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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