We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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