Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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