Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
