I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
