just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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