Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
another moral hangover. fuck.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
