I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
