Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
