Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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