So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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