My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
