life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
