How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
jump out the window naked night went bad
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
