Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
