Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
