I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Found your dick twin last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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