Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
