I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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