we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
