Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
