She said her name was "party"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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