i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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