as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
