I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
