I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
