Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
