i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
