he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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