haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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