i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
