you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I intend to get homeless drunk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She bit a glass in half.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
