Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
