cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
