This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just found a bag of teeth...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
