Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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