i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
