think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
