i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm going to jail i love you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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