who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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