I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
