I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He better not be in your backpack
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
