im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
