Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize