"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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