??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
