is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
