So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
