Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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