Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
