I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
