Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize