508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
