You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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