I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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