I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
