You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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