apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
