don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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