How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
