You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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