dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
