are you so shy because you have an std?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
