I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
