Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
