i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
They took my balls.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
