We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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