she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
