I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
