some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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