i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize