Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
