Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize