I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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