I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just google imaged poop.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pants are for mortals
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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