She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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