wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What a dumb baby whore.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
