Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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