Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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