I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize