Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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