did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you never un-have a 4some
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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