i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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