Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize