I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
