I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
