I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
