every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
