btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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