I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize