Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
