He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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