were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
