smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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