Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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