There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
3pm strippers are depressing
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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