Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
