Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
