I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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