she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
