Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize