I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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