Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
