I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
