Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
