Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
