i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
