no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize