so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
